I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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