see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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