I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
