Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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