i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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