Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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