Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
