Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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