I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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