Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
