Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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