They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I AM VODKA MAN
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
