If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
