Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
