I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
