I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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