lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
