Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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