If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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