There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
