Old men and throwing up are my life now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize