Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
