Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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