I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
