what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
