The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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