Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
