She's JV to your varsity
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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