My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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