I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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