As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize