I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
