For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
