I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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