he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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