Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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