i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
