She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
