i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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