There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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