anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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