If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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