I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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