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Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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