U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
