that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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