I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My balls are so social today.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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