Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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