Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
