i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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