MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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