Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
