i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
