there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
