You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize