can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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