It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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