why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize