Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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